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Hello Friends,
Hope you all are doing well ! Recently, world celebrated Valentine's Day & love was in the air. True love is beautiful & best thing in the world. True love can always make you a better person. People were happy and celebrating this season with love & joy. However, love is eternal & one day is not enough to celebrate it and say "Thank You" to all whom you love.
Beside this happiness, there were people who were sad on this day. As this day is celebrated with your beloved ones whether it is family & friends or lovers, some were alone. There's difference between being alone and feeling lonely. If you're OK with yourself, you're never be alone. Those who enjoy their own company can never be alone. So, it is very important to love yourself first. But, what if you're feeling lonely ?
When I obeserved, One main reason behind several stories of sadness was people felt they're betrayed by their family, friend or by their lover. And when, the layers of these stories were removed & deleted, one thing was common in almost every story and that was a lie.
Every relationship requires honesty and a lie can destroy everything. We will talk later on this. But, these stories made me think and I decided to share this article with you. So, today I am talking about the things behind a lie. Reason of a lie...truth behind it.
Let's consider few true stories where names have been changed for privacy.
Story 1 :
Vivian and Luciana were lovers and they made promises with each other. Luciano was even thinking of spending whole life with Vivian. When they started their relationship, everything was good and like a beautiful love story created by God. Vivian was a smart, handsome guy with a decent career. His salary was not so good but it was yet decent. What made Luciana choose him was his true love and respect he always displayed to her. He appeared a committed and dedicated boyfriend to his girlfriend Luciana , (gf/bf are the words used today for lovers may be to give freedom to the two if they break up with eachother).
In the beginning, everything went well but later Vivian was many times abusive to her. When he did it for the first time, Luciana stopped talking to him and decided to break up. But, Vivian felt sorry and she forgave him thinking may be it was some sort of stress or anything that made him do so. This was just a start of an ugly side of story. After few years, it came out that Vivian was already engaged with another girl who helped him with his debts and they decided to get engaged as their families were also looking for it. Luciana felt broken and Vivian got married to Mariana. Luciana was depressed and now she has accepted the truth. This can sound strange to you but when it happens no one could think that way. So, without going too much deep into it let's move towards another story.
Here's another story
Story 2 :
In this true story, again we've altered names for respecting privacies of the people. Vish & Svetlana were about to marry eachother. This was an arranged married and Vish always said it as if it was arranged cum love marriage. Vish was not financially stable and Svetlana was there to help him with her job. But, what was hidden was that Vish had many affairs and he was secretly betraying his fiancee. One day the truth came out. For Vish's friends, it was not so bad and a small mistake and the two families were unaware of it. Svetlana too got convinced and with pressure of families & her own fears and insecurities, she decided to get married with Vish. This story sounds too much strange and her own friends told it however, they're also in the favor of acceptance of what the destiny has brought to Svetlana.
There are many stories. Rose hid she loved someone else from her fiancee and got married to him. But, later the truth came out through a jealous close r relative and her husband was not ready to accept it and let go as he was not OK with her past and fact that she herself has forgotten for her husband to be a loyal wife.
So, what can be the reasons behind lies ?
Let's talk about them now !
1. ●¤● FEAR OF REJECTION ●¤●
2. ●¤● AVOIDING PUNISHMENT ●¤●
According to Psychologist Paul Ekman
"Avoiding punishment is the most frequent reason people tell serious lies, regardless of their age, whether it be to avoid the speeding ticket or being grounded. In serious lies there is a threat of significant damage if the lie is discovered: loss of freedom, money, job, relationship, reputation, or even life itself.
It is only in such serious lies, in which the liar would be punished if detected, that lies are detectable from demeanor – facial expression, body movements, gaze, voice, or words. The threat imposes an emotional load, generating involuntary changes that can betray the lie. The lies of everyday life where it doesn’t matter if they are detected – no punishment or rewards — that lies are easily told flawlessly.
In serious lies the falsehood is usually told to conceal the reward or benefit the liar obtained by breaking a rule or explicit expectation. The curfew violator was able to stay longer at the party; the speeding driver is rushing because he pushed the snooze button when the alarm went off. The husband who claims the ringer on the telephone in his office must have been turned off when he was ‘working’ late – in a hotel room with his girlfriend – will pay no price if his lie succeeds. In each of these examples, the rule breaker decides before breaking a rule that he or she will if questioned lie to cover the cheating. Sometimes the reward could have been achieved – a high mark on an exam — without cheating but not as easily, it would have taken more effort (hours of study in this example)."
3. ●¤● PROTECTING SOMEONE FROM HARM ●¤●
AVOIDING PUNISHMENT ●¤●
Psychologist Paul Ekman says "Protecting someone else from harm is the next most important reason why people tell serious lies. You don’t want your friend, you fellow worker, your sibling, your spouse – anyone who you care about — to get punished, even if you don’t agree with what the person you are protecting did that put him or her in danger. It is not certain whether society approves of these lies. When policemen refuse to testify against a fellow officer they know has broken the law, we respect their motives but many people believe they should be truthful. Yet the terms we use – rat, fink, snitch – are derogatory. Anonymous call-in lines exist so those who volunteer information can avoid any loss of reputation or danger by informing. Do we have different standards for people who take the initiative to inform as compared to those who inform when directly asked to reveal information? I will reconsider this issue in a later newsletter when I write about children’s lies and why we don’t want them to tattle.
4. ●¤● SELF-PROTECTION ●¤●
According to Psychologist Paul Ekman "To protect yourself from being harmed even when you have not broken any rule is still another motive. The child home alone who tells the stranger knocking on the door “my father is taking a nap come back later”, has committed no misdeed that he or she is concealing; it is a self-protection lie. Some lies are told to win admiration from others. Boasting about something untrue is an obvious instance. It is common in children, some adolescents, and even adults. If discovered it harms the reputation of the boaster, but not much more than that. Claiming falsely to have earned money for previous investors moves into the criminal realm."
Hello Friends,
Hope you all are doing well ! Recently, world celebrated Valentine's Day & love was in the air. True love is beautiful & best thing in the world. True love can always make you a better person. People were happy and celebrating this season with love & joy. However, love is eternal & one day is not enough to celebrate it and say "Thank You" to all whom you love.
Beside this happiness, there were people who were sad on this day. As this day is celebrated with your beloved ones whether it is family & friends or lovers, some were alone. There's difference between being alone and feeling lonely. If you're OK with yourself, you're never be alone. Those who enjoy their own company can never be alone. So, it is very important to love yourself first. But, what if you're feeling lonely ?
When I obeserved, One main reason behind several stories of sadness was people felt they're betrayed by their family, friend or by their lover. And when, the layers of these stories were removed & deleted, one thing was common in almost every story and that was a lie.
Every relationship requires honesty and a lie can destroy everything. We will talk later on this. But, these stories made me think and I decided to share this article with you. So, today I am talking about the things behind a lie. Reason of a lie...truth behind it.
Let's consider few true stories where names have been changed for privacy.
Story 1 :
Vivian and Luciana were lovers and they made promises with each other. Luciano was even thinking of spending whole life with Vivian. When they started their relationship, everything was good and like a beautiful love story created by God. Vivian was a smart, handsome guy with a decent career. His salary was not so good but it was yet decent. What made Luciana choose him was his true love and respect he always displayed to her. He appeared a committed and dedicated boyfriend to his girlfriend Luciana , (gf/bf are the words used today for lovers may be to give freedom to the two if they break up with eachother).
In the beginning, everything went well but later Vivian was many times abusive to her. When he did it for the first time, Luciana stopped talking to him and decided to break up. But, Vivian felt sorry and she forgave him thinking may be it was some sort of stress or anything that made him do so. This was just a start of an ugly side of story. After few years, it came out that Vivian was already engaged with another girl who helped him with his debts and they decided to get engaged as their families were also looking for it. Luciana felt broken and Vivian got married to Mariana. Luciana was depressed and now she has accepted the truth. This can sound strange to you but when it happens no one could think that way. So, without going too much deep into it let's move towards another story.
Here's another story
Story 2 :
In this true story, again we've altered names for respecting privacies of the people. Vish & Svetlana were about to marry eachother. This was an arranged married and Vish always said it as if it was arranged cum love marriage. Vish was not financially stable and Svetlana was there to help him with her job. But, what was hidden was that Vish had many affairs and he was secretly betraying his fiancee. One day the truth came out. For Vish's friends, it was not so bad and a small mistake and the two families were unaware of it. Svetlana too got convinced and with pressure of families & her own fears and insecurities, she decided to get married with Vish. This story sounds too much strange and her own friends told it however, they're also in the favor of acceptance of what the destiny has brought to Svetlana.
There are many stories. Rose hid she loved someone else from her fiancee and got married to him. But, later the truth came out through a jealous close r relative and her husband was not ready to accept it and let go as he was not OK with her past and fact that she herself has forgotten for her husband to be a loyal wife.
So, what can be the reasons behind lies ?
Let's talk about them now !
1. ●¤● FEAR OF REJECTION ●¤●
Fear of rejection is one of most important reason due to which a person can lie. In many cases, people tell a lie because they have a fear that if they tell truth then there is 100% possibility of rejection by other side. Abuse (including domestic) also shows fear. To hide the weakness and fear of being caught, people start abusing to add false strength to their ego. They themselves know they are doing wrong and this makes them abuse their partner. There is also a false belief that they know they are weak and wrong and to show dominance inspite of it makes them do so. Even it is seen that such people start blaming and targeting the other side for what they are doing actually that their partner doesn't know.
2. ●¤● AVOIDING PUNISHMENT ●¤●
According to Psychologist Paul Ekman
3. ●¤● PROTECTING SOMEONE FROM HARM ●¤●
AVOIDING PUNISHMENT ●¤●
Psychologist Paul Ekman says "Protecting someone else from harm is the next most important reason why people tell serious lies. You don’t want your friend, you fellow worker, your sibling, your spouse – anyone who you care about — to get punished, even if you don’t agree with what the person you are protecting did that put him or her in danger. It is not certain whether society approves of these lies. When policemen refuse to testify against a fellow officer they know has broken the law, we respect their motives but many people believe they should be truthful. Yet the terms we use – rat, fink, snitch – are derogatory. Anonymous call-in lines exist so those who volunteer information can avoid any loss of reputation or danger by informing. Do we have different standards for people who take the initiative to inform as compared to those who inform when directly asked to reveal information? I will reconsider this issue in a later newsletter when I write about children’s lies and why we don’t want them to tattle.
4. ●¤● SELF-PROTECTION ●¤●
According to Psychologist Paul Ekman "To protect yourself from being harmed even when you have not broken any rule is still another motive. The child home alone who tells the stranger knocking on the door “my father is taking a nap come back later”, has committed no misdeed that he or she is concealing; it is a self-protection lie. Some lies are told to win admiration from others. Boasting about something untrue is an obvious instance. It is common in children, some adolescents, and even adults. If discovered it harms the reputation of the boaster, but not much more than that. Claiming falsely to have earned money for previous investors moves into the criminal realm."
5. ●¤● MAINTAIN-PRIVACY ●¤●
Psychologist Paul Ekman states that
"To maintain privacy, without asserting that right, is another reason why people may lie. A daughter answering her mother’s question “who were you talking to on the phone just now”, by naming a girlfriend, not the boy who is asking her out on a date, is an example. It is only when there is a strong trusting relationship, that a child would feel brave enough to say “that’s private”, announcing the right to have a secret. Another topic I will return to in my newsletter about trust."
6. ●¤● THRILL OF IT ALL ●¤●
"Some people lie for the sheer thrill of getting away with it, testing their unsuspected power. Many children will at some point lie to their parents simply to see if they can do it. Some people do this all the time enjoying the power they obtain in controlling the information available to the target."
7. ●¤● AVOIDING EMBARRASSMENT ●¤●
"Avoiding embarrassment is still another motive for some serious and many trivial lies. Psychologist Paul Ekman says this. The child who claims the wet seat resulted from spilling a glass of water, not from wetting her pants is an example, if the child did not fear punishment for her failure, just embarrassment.
Avoiding embarrassment is relevant to many less serious lies that come under the rubric of lies-of-everyday-life. Very often people lie to get out of an awkward social situation. They may not know how to do it – “can’t get a babysitter” offered to avoid another dull evening and food. “Sorry I am on my way out the door”, an excuse given by people who do not feel brave enough to be truthful even to a totally unknown telephone solicitor."
8. ●¤● BEING POLITE ●¤●
9. ●¤● LIE DOES MATTER TO THEM ●¤●
The lie does matter ... to them.The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually & think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it’s an inconsequential issue, the liar believes it is critically important. They may be putting undeserved emphasis or pressure on themselves, or on the issue, but you won’t know unless you ask something like, “It seems like this issue is really important to you — why?”
10. ●¤● TELLING THE TRUTH FEELS LIKE GIVING UP ●¤●
Telling the truth feels like giving up control & Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.
11. ●¤● THEY DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT ●¤●
They don’t want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. And they’re worried that the truth might lead you to reject or shame them.
They don’t want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. And they’re worried that the truth might lead you to reject or shame them.
12. ●¤● LIES SNOWBALL ●¤●
" According to Psychology Today,
" Lies snowball is another reason behind a lie." David says "I remember a cartoon my kids watched years ago about how lies grow. We tell a little bitty lie, but then to cover that lie, we have to tell another one, then another, and another — each gets bigger and bigger. Finally, we’re arguing about the color of the sky, because to admit anything creates the potential of the entire house of cards tumbling. If a chronic liar admits to any
13. ●¤● IT'S NOT A LIE TO THEM ●¤●
" According to psychologytoday.com, It’s not a lie to them. When we are under pressure, our thinking about the big picture can be challenged. Our memory of things is actually quite unreliable. Multiple studies demonstrate that our memories are influenced by many things, that they change over time, and that they are essentially reconstructed each time we think about them. Often, repetitive liars feel so much pressure in the moment that their memory becomes simply unreliable. When they say something, it’s often because they genuinely believe, at that moment, that it is the truth. Their memory has been overwhelmed by stress, current events, and their desire to find a way to make this situation work. Sometimes, this can become so severe that the person almost seems to have created a complete alternate world in their head, one that conforms to their moment-by-moment beliefs and needs.
14. ●¤● THEY WANT IT TO BE TRUE ●¤●
" In an article on psychologytoday.com, it says that they want it to be true. Finally, the liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct to tell the truth. “Be the change you want to see in the world,” Gandhi never actually said. But sometimes, liars hope that they can make something come true by saying it over and over, and by believing it as hard as they can. In today’s environment of “alternative facts,” it’s hard not to see this as somewhat justified.
So, if you think that someone told a lie to you or betrayed you, these reasons can help you sort out the unanswered question why ? Also, whatever may be the reason, it is said that a lie can never be termed as a great thing unless it can save a life. Lie is a lie and if you still believe otherwise then let me remind you a great quote : It is better to be with no one than to be with wrong one. Also, when you speak truth you need not too remember so much.
Before, anyone try to make you feel low by telling a lie, just remember and see the other side of coin, have a positive perception that the person is weak enough and never hurt your self-esteem for that.
Sources :
1. paulekman.com
2. psychologytoday.com
A Post By Admin.
Author ~ Swatti Sharrma ß
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©Simply Beautiful ß
Swatti Sharrma ß
Very accurate points here. I believe the most usual reasons are tip #4, #2 & #7!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for positive feedback. It's so encouraging ! Please keep visiting !
DeleteVery interesting! I really relte to lot of the reasoning behind this. I have person in my life who lies quite regularly and I can see how some of those reasons add up. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you do much for positive feedback. Glad you liked it ! Those reasons are really so related & relevant. Please keep visiting!
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